Bishan church

Dark Nights

September 7th, 2007

In the August 30 Straits Times, Mother Teresa’s crisis of faith was featured. A full write up is in Times magazine. What she went through most of her life questiong God while serving the poor was shocking to some people.

She wrote: In my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss of God not wanting me- of God not being God - of God not existing.

Some atheists considered her a crypto atheist, a hidden atheist. They find it hard to believe that doubt is a necessary part of one’s journey of faith. They seem to think believers are constant, without ups and downs.

Faithful men have also been through what Teresa experienced. I am sure many full time workers know what she went through. Maybe this may be where the commonality ends?

A well known bible figure who went through much anguish was Job. The book of Job is a very raw book. There is no cover up about Job’s struggle, anguish, questions and bewilderment as to why he had to go through his ordeal.

In Job’s case, he suffered not because of his own sins. He suffered because of Satan’s actions. Teresa and many full time workers may suffer because of their own choices and beliefs. They suffer because they chose to be involved in other people’s lives. Teresa could have gone back to her family. I think I read somewhere she from well-to-do one. She could easily donated money instead she gave herself in service.

They all share one thing in common too with Job. Read Job 3. He was so miserable to the extent of cursing the day he was born. Like Job, Teresa and others might be in anguish wanting God to answer them in a certain way. We learn from Job’s case God did not answer to his question as to why he had to suffer. The only answer Job needed to know is: God IS the ultimate answer. Trust and obey there is no other way.

God is a Spirit. We too have a spirit. He made us in His image. In darkness where there is no answers in terms of our physical understanding, we must learn to see the unseen Light - Jesus Himself.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

It is easier said.

The anguish if you have been through it as well, is quite unbearable. The more you question “Why?”, the worse it becomes.

Cognitively we have to come to terms with the following:
1. We have to distinguish between Existence and our preferred form of Response.
God exists whether He answers or not in the way we like. The sun exists even at night even though physically we do not feel or see it. Its existence has nothing to do with our preference. God exists even if you do not like Him or His way. He exists so you have to reckon with Him regardless….

2. He is the only answer

3. All that we need to know about life and godliness has been revealed.
How? Through a knowledge of Him.
He has given how to live and what we need to be like Him , godly and “to partake in His divine nature”

2 Peter 1:3-5 According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

Doubt is part of faith building. Doubt is like when you walk in the dark.

You slide your foot forward. Tapping with your foot, shifting your weight to see whether it is firm before you have the assurance and hope, to totally place your weight on to the next step forward to the unknown. The only assurance you have is the invisible One holding your hand while you test your footing.

The more you step forward in faith even when things do not go as you wished, with a transformed mind, you will prove to yourself what is good and acceptable and perfect will of God. (You may hear God say, “See I told you so! Just trust Me”)

Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

People who serve others go through periods of dark nights. In such times you feel unappreciated. You feel lost and even unwanted. Everyone expects you to do something yet encouragement and comfort do not seem to be reciprocated by those you serve. You just wish someone will cares. Unfortunately, like demanding children, they demand more and more from you. In such times, you wonder: where is my help? where is my comfort. If God cares where is He?

In my own experience I told God I can’t see Him. I need more than a Book to tell me He loves me. I need a real person to care for me, to love just as I am.

SILENCE.

Coming to terms:
Maybe we can’t see Him in these dark times because we are not pure in our inner being. We are tainted by our deep desires to serve Him OUR WAY and we expect Him to respond on OUR TERMS.

Matthew 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

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